Friday, July 10, 2009

HOW GOD CREATED DA COMPUTER ?

In the beginning, God created the bit. And the bit was a zero; nothing.

On the first day, He toggled the 0 to 1, and the Universe was. (In those days, bootstrap loaders were simple, and "active low" signals didn't yet exist.)

On the second day, God's boss wanted a demo, and tried to read the bit. This being volatile memory, the bit reverted to a 0. And the universe wasn't. God learned the importance of backups and memory refresh, and spent the rest of the day ( and his first all-nighter ) reconstructing the universe.

On the third day, the bit cried "Oh, Lord! If you exist, give me a sign!" And God created rev 2.0 of the bit, even better than the original prototype. Those in Universe Marketing immediately realized the the "new and improved" wouldn't do justice to such a grand and glorious creation. And so it was dubbed the Most Significant Bit, or the Sign bit. Many bits followed, but only one was so honored.

On the fourth day, God created a simple ALU with 'add' and 'logical shift' instructions. And the original bit discovered that by performing a single shift instruction, it could become the Most Significant Bit. And God realized the importance of computer security.

On the fifth day, God created the first mid-life kicker, rev 2.0 of the ALU, with wonderful features, and said "Screw that add and shift stuff. Go forth and multiply." And God saw that it was good.

On the sixth day, God got a bit overconfident, and invented pipelines, register hazards, optimizing compilers, crosstalk, restartable instructions, microinterrupts, race conditions, and propagation delays. Historians have used this to convincingly argue that the sixth day must have been a Monday.

On the seventh day, an engineering change introduced UNIX into the Universe, and it hasn't worked right since.

A NEW STUDY OF COMPUTERS

COMPUTER TERMINOLOGY
Are you terrified of your computer? Do you feel out of place and overwhelmed when your friends or coworkers start spouting reams and reams of technical jargon that you will never understand? Then this article is for you! We'll help you get over your fear of technical terminology by tickling your funny bone. We'll start with some definitions that SHOULD be true, and we hope are entertaining.

486 - The average IQ needed to understand a P.C.

State-of-the-art - Any computer you can't afford.

Obsolete - Any computer you own.

Microsecond - The time it takes for your State-of-the-art-computer to become obsolete.

Syntax Error - Hi, I want to buy a computer and money is no object.

GUI (pronounced gooey) - What your computer becomes after spilling your coffee on it.

Computer Chip - Any starchy food stuff consumed in mass quantities while programming.

Keyboard - The standard way to generate computer errors.

Mouse - An advanced input device to make computer errors easier to generate.

Floppy - The state of your wallet after purchasing a computer.

Hard Drive - The sales technique employed by computer salesmen.

Portable Computer - A device invented to force businessmen to work at home, on vacation and on business trips.

Disk Crash - A typical computer response to any critical deadline.

Power User - Anyone who can format a disk from DOS.

System Update - A quick method of trashing ALL of your software.



Monday, July 6, 2009

RAILWAY BUDGET 2009-10


New Delhi: Union railway minister Mamata Banerjee presented the railway budget 2009-10 in the Lok Sabha today. In what is seen as the United Progressive Alliance (UPA) government's return gift to the people, who gave it a second straight term in office, the railway budget 2009-10 today left passenger fares and freight rates untouched.

Railway budget highlights:

  • Passenger and freight rates left unchanged across the board.
  • Railways earn net revenue of Rs8,121 crore in 2008-09.
  • Railways to pay higher dividend of Rs5,479 crore to the Centre in FY 2010.
  • Tatkal charges reduced from Rs150 to Rs100.
  • Ladies' specials on suburban train routes during peak hours.
  • 'Izzat' monthly tickets of Rs25 (for up to 100 km travel) for people from the unorganised sector with an income of less than Rs1,500 per month.
  • New coach factory at Kanchrapara in West Bengal.
  • Cold storage facilities for farmers to store vegetables and fruits.
  • Talks to take over ailing wagon manufacturing units.
  • 18,000 wagons to be acquired during the current year.
  • Railway medical colleges and rail hospitals on public-private partnership basis.
  • Student concession will cover madrassa students.
  • Special coaches for disabled and aged people.
  • 50 stations to be developed along world-class standards.
  • 375 stations to be upgraded as 'Adarsh' stations, with basic facilities such as drinking water, toilets and ladies' dormitories.
  • Availability of doctors on-board long-distance trains.
  • On-board infotainment services to be provided.
  • 6,560 staff quarters to be constructed in 2009-10.
  • High-capacity double-decker A/C trains to be introduced.
  • 57 new trains to be introduced.
  • 12 non-stop trains to be introduced.
  • Accredited journalists to get 50% rebate; also once a year with spouse.
  • 1,000 MW power plant proposed in tribal area Adra.
  • Cash surplus of Rs17,400 crore before dividend.
  • Railways have investible surplus of Rs12,681 crore.
  • Annual plan expenditure pegged at Rs36,336 crore.